I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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