just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
