redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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