I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
