Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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