he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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