Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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