Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Hippo gnu deer
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
