Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
