You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
