By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Randomize
