About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
