it's like iHOP with fire
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
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