I need to stop coming to work sober
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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