tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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