her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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