Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Alive.
So much puke
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
