This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
a search helicopter?!
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
