Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
