Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
