Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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