walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
