I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
