I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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