I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize