oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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