the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
If that was your dad, he is hot
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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