Have you finally orgasmed yet?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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