unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
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