seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
not ubering you a puppy
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
He's on the porch naked. Help.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Randomize
