Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
