You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Randomize
