he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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