I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize