He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
