Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize
