it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
