i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
you mean i was at the winter classic?
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
