I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
