mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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