Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
