I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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