did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize