my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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