Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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