just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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