After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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