Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
