I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
