my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
