that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
