it wasn't lemon gatorade
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
