Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
