i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
