like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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