"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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