chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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