All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Randomize
