You can't special order awesome
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
