I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
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