I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
