Non-Jews are for practice
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
