giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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