I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
