The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize
