I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
