I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
