i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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