your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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