I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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