I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
