you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
