just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
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