I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
