this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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