some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
