I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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