The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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