I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
