Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize