So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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