I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
high people should be assigned attendants
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Randomize
